Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Zardari, why'd you steal my dog?

Never have I experienced a more fervent anti-state up-roaring by the elitists. For all the vehement, simple-minded, cute Facebookers, bloggers and stand-up comedians, let me tell you this; you'd only get 'Facebook Likes' by writing an article that starts off with "Mr. President, first of all, fuck you" and then goes on to continue it as a venomous, spiteful Zaradari-biography. Some stand-up comedians follow suit and write a badgering research paper-length article on a seven word sentence uttered by the president. Perhaps, these are your biggest guns against the great Zardari.
I'd have to agree though. These Facebook petitions and fuck-you-articles about him possess great entertainment value. The petitions inviting your entire friends list to unite against, sometimes, his exorbitant spending trips amidst floods and sometimes his habitual corruption, wouldn't change the situation slightly, not even an inch. If anything, it's going to make you a bigger Facebook whore, more interestingly, this time, a Zardari-loathing whore.

These are the people that are taken aback every fucking time, at every news item associating Zardari with evil, as though he spent the first fifty-five years of his life as a fucking saint. And now, a saint gone bad. Come on. It's been two decades now, since his first claim to fame and exactly two years as our leader. And still , a nation with a president like ours, we wonder why Mohammad Amir and Asif are so expensive when it comes to bowling no-balls. Funny. Now, you dare not flinch in surprise if Scotland Yard find those same series pound-notes at the Zardari Villa. Amir and Asif wouldn't have survived this day, had they not given Zardari his legit share.

Mohammad Amir boards the team coach as Pakistan leave for their tour match against Somerset, London, August 30, 2010
Mohammad Amir is in the eye of the storm after the weekend revelations

As a nation, we have indeed learnt the art of making great punching-bags. Our penchant for the popular Pakistani blame-game has led us into buying a handful of cheap, sastay punching-bags, usually called 'Zardari', and other times, could take the name as innocent as 'Meera'. The Sialkot culprits, the jahil-online Amir Liaqat, Mohammad Amir, and the green-lipped Akmal lie somewhere along the bag punching, hate-level continuum. These have actually done us some good. These have helped us distract ourselves from the ugly man in the mirror, the hideous looking fuck that we choose to ignore.

A Zardari lives inside me, a lynching Sialkoti lives inside you, a breathing caricature of Amir lives inside each on of us. It came on to the surface last week when I shook hands with a traffic 'tulla' and gave him two red notes for taking a wrong u-turn. It comes on to the surface every time somebody gets his/her driving license made in an hour, every time we go to the beach on the election holiday. We have upheld the punching bag tradition brilliantly for the past six decades. Not a thing has changed, except the names of these punching bags. It's about time that we stop accusing Zardari of stealing our candy.


  1. you know what, the other day, i was discussing the exact same things with some of my friends. You literally wrote my mind out.

  2. Hahaha thanks. I had planned to write this even way before these floods and his Euro trip. This seemed the perfect time for such a post. Besides, the occurrence of these events and the popular public opinion made me sit down today and speak my heart out.

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  7. And secondly we aren't claiming to solve the issue. What are you? The leader of the Revolution? The man of the people? Just remember in Pakistan those words usually sound suspiciously like 'Mehsud' and 'Bhutto'
    Also this is what Zardari did on his Eurotrip:
    That and chilled at his chalet. Last time i paid a cop a hundred bucks because my buddy in the passengers seat was drunk. Incidentally it wasn't cuz I am inherently corrupt and you might notice how no one came to any great harm in my story (except my buddy who was fucking dried out like a dead fish the next morning) But I digress. We are shocked at Zardaris corruption because he's no longer just benazir's boot licker, eating her scraps. He's our fucking head of state. We're a nuclear power who had enough problems as it was. He went from a nuisance to a pestilence in 6 years. Incidentally By the end of your little fit, you're basically just riffing on what Ahmer Naqvi wrote, much more eloquently by the way, on his dawn blog.
    PS: Moron, Stand up comedians like Carlin are part of the reason even you can speak your mind and say fuck on the internet, you ungrateful little http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_dirty_words.

  8. woah! looks like the guy above had a truck load of rough drafts. chill out guy, this aint an application essay, just a mere blog comment.

  9. "Transparency International (TI) has chosen a clear and focused definition of the term: Corruption is operationally defined as the abuse of entrusted power for private gain. TI further differentiates between "according to rule" corruption and "against the rule" corruption. Facilitation payments, where a bribe is paid to receive preferential treatment for something that the bribe receiver is required to do by law, constitute the former. The latter, on the other hand, is a bribe paid to obtain services the bribe receiver is prohibited from providing."


    How about you reevaluate the act you mentioned, according to this definition. We will talk in a bit.

    P.S For your next comment, write a rough draft on Microsoft Word and then copy paste that. This was taught to us in class 4.

  10. Wow. Way to narrow it down to exactly what you want to see. That's all you got? How about you reevaluate your ability to read first. Maybe then you'd get what 'inherent' means. In this context it means that corruption is not an intrinsic part of my nature, but shit, yeah, it was an act of corruption, sure. You'll notice how I never denied that, and also that I didn't need a dictionary to illustrate my point. My bad about the deletion. I just kept running out of characters. In fact, most of my actual comment is missing. Let me color up your post further by adding it. @kay-without a tee: What can I say he inspired me :). He is my muse. My angry angry little muse.

  11. "Never" have you experienced such fervent uproar against the leadership? What are you, new to the internet or just Pakistan? Perhaps you slept through the last Five administrations(our history class, I don't know) The only thing that's changed has our ability to express ourselves. We have way more media to bitch to, a whole bevy of social media to crap our thoughts into and well, we probably are a lot angrier. And really, can you blame us? And elitists? Do you even know what that means? Cuz every Tom, Dick and Hamza with a Q mobile and friends is on facebook. Sure that makes them more fortunate than most Pakistanis, but fortunate aint elitist. Elitism is a mind set. Also I don't need guns against Zardari. And 'biggest guns'? Our biggest guns are breaking they're backs for the flood affectees and fighting the cancer that is the Taliban. The day they're let loose, which if you weren't historically comatose you would realize, has happened before, the jig is up.It's only because of this perfect storm of politics, slimy maneuvering, and the 'Grand Chess Game' America imagines it's playing, that this ass clown is where he is. Once a Pariah, now the wounded survivor and champion and executor of the Bhutto will and legacy. Great indeed. What an assclown. Speaking of assclowns back to your little rant; Here's the thing, I don't think anyone is looking for facebook likes by bitching about Zardari, they're just venting their spleen, and why the hell not? No one ever claimed they're Gandhi reincarnate or anything. No one said they're going to affect some great change and spark the 'revolution'. We're just mad as hell but hey their probably going to take it some more cuz We're Pakistani afterall. And if Zardari loathing makes someone a whore than I'm a the grand dame of gushtees, and every last one of our 150 million are sluts, big and small. Next time you see a Sindhi woman crying about how her children disappeared in a raging torrents beacause someone busted the levees around they're village to protect the next (PPP affiliated) one down the road do me a favour, think whore. I fucking dare ya.