Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Holy Voyeurism

The post was originally published in the blog section of The News. It can be accessed Here. Below is a slightly edited version of the same article.

Amir Liaqat devotee or loather, the leaked video was the epitome of voyeurism across the board. Fake, edited, dubbed or real, the man in the video has risen out of this saga as the greatest entertainer of recent times. Not only that, he's also modest enough to attribute his own brilliance to his ex-employers. Unpretentious as a nun. Look what I did here. Ironic?

Ever noticed how ungrateful and unappreciative we are as a nation of gems like him? Neither Meera nor Zohair Toru can even remotely match his talents. Some also go to the extent of saying, he's Chaplin of the speaking-film era. The man is responsible for resurrecting Ghalib and endowing us with what can be described as one of the most novel Pakistani internet memes. Instead of venturing into futile arguments about the authenticity of the video, media intellects should expend all their efforts in creating a much-needed, reality show based around Mathira and the man himself, Aamir Liaqat. Experts are positive that with his signature fist-pumping actions and his catchy euphemism for Viagra (makhan), coupled with Mathira's nefarious sounding Gujji Gujji, the show could break all ratings' records. There are also rumors that his current employers might not be renewing his contract and in the next season the show might be re-branding itself as Aalima-Online, with its new host, Mathira.

Whilst he left the veteran actor Dev Anand mildly irked and offended, it is reported that Aamir Liaqat would be starring in the rendition of Rishi Kapoor's Qawaali, "Hai agar dushman", in the upcoming movie "Nazuk Soorat-e-haal" alongside Veena Malik. According to his manager, just a few minutes after the clip was aired, the prices of all of Aamir’s performing acts were increased by 300%. Another 200% hike was charged to his Bollywood-inspired crying act.

It was initially assumed that the video, testifying his canting hypocrisy, would prove baneful for the channel he currently works for. However, a reverse reaction was observed when the entire nation sat before their television sets, in a state of delirious reverence. Even though Aamir Liaqat has resorted to taking the expected route by claiming that the video was doctored in the same Hindu-Zionist-CIA-Raw lab where AIDS was created, much like his own Doctorate degree, people got slightly confused when he used tongue-twisting, difficult words like "synchronization" in his rebuttal, but eventually bought everything, verbatim.

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